I hate to do this. Believe me, it’s the opposite of what I want. But forces outside of my control are pulling the strings, and I have no choice but to submit to their demands. That’s why I’m announcing today that I’m going on hiatus from freelancing and content creation to focus on my health.
I’m taking a break from holchasaur.
As many of you know, these past seven years have been a roller coaster for me. I’ve went from being able to medicate and largely ignore my gradually-declining health, to being bedridden for consecutive days with no mental or physical strength to be productive. Occasionally, I have a month or two when I swear things are balancing out, only to suddenly and unexpectedly plummet to the worst I’ve ever felt – and “the worst I’ve ever felt” is quickly becoming the norm. There’s just no predicting the pattern of ups and downs anymore.
Though I can still work through bad days to some extent, I’m not doing my best work, and projects require much more time and effort than they should – extra time, effort, and stress that’s having an adverse impact on my health. That’s why I need to walk away for a little while. I need optional commitments and responsibilities off my mind. I need only to worry about getting healthy – about seeing doctors and specialists, getting tests, and not postponing any of it because of other distractions. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve put off scheduling a test or appointment because of a project or review deadline. I can’t allow that to happen anymore. I simply can’t afford it.
Does that mean I’ll entirely refrain from producing content? Not necessarily. If I feel the urge to write, stream, or record, and it occurs naturally, without being a burden, I’m not going to stop myself. The process of playing, writing about, and talkin’ video games (and other forms of entertainment) is a major passion of mine, and I don’t know what I’d do if it were removed from my life completely. It’s just best if you keep your expectations in check – and it’s best to expect nothing, just to be safe. It’s been months since I’ve regularly pumped out content anyway, so most of you are likely accustomed to the lull by now.
So, how long will this “hiatus” last? It’s impossible to say, really. Hopefully not too long. I have another round of medical tests fast approaching, and I should know more when I receive the results. The bad news is that we’re still sidetracked by the blood clots that resulted from my splenectomy, and that’s been keeping us from looking deeper into what’s really going on in my body. But things are getting worse, and fast, with nary a diagnosis in sight. Doctors are finding problems but can’t connect the dots. The whole situation is a befuddling mess.
But this isn’t the time or place to get into all the specifics. It’s just too much.
To be clear, I’m not disappearing from social media. I like you people. I enjoy reading your tweets and interacting with you. Some of you have, without a doubt, brightened some particularly dark days, and that’s certainly something I’m incredibly thankful for and have no desire to walk away from. So, obviously I’ll remain active on Twitter and share my opinions on life and the usual entertainment-type… stuff. Honestly, due to the inevitable boredom that will surely ensue from the lack of work, I may tweet more than ever. That said, I should apologize in advance for any poor grammar, frequent typos, or incoherent blabbing – my current medication regimen intermittently turns my brain to mush, and in those moments, articulation and eloquence aren’t my strong suit.
At this point, I believe that’s about all there is to say. If you have any questions or just want to chat, you can reach out on Twitter @holchasaur. I might be slow to respond, but I’ll see your tweets and messages, and I’ll reply when I can. Same as always.
Thanks for your understanding and all the support you have given me throughout these turbulent years. I hope you’ll still be around when I can get back on track.